PICKING UP THE PIECES

1:48 PM

After one of the most draining years of my life, poor planning and blog abandonment, I have just hit a solid month of posting again! It feels great to be back, and I've missed this space of mine and even more so the familiar faces I connect with, but most important of all, I miss "me."

It's no secret I was battling some inner identity crisis last year, which could explain the blur of events that went with it. No I wasn't depressed. No I wasn't suffering from any sort of mental illness. I was just focusing on one piece of me and ignoring the other bits. I was too busy being mom, that I forgot about Kiki.

Hey hey hey, now don't get me wrong, Mom is who I've always wanted to be. These kids make me feel so alive and keep my grounded, but moms tend to forget about the people they were before babies come into play, and those aspects of "me" really started to haunt me last year.

It really stuck out to me when someone asked me what I liked to do for fun. I remember all of it, because for just a moment, I was actually embarrassed. If I could have seen myself through the eyes of an outsider, in that very moment, I imagine I looked kind of like Wendy Williams glitching on live television. #conspiracytheories I had to laugh off the question and make some sort of mom joke, when in reality, I had never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

What did I like to do for fun? And why was this such a hard question to answer?

Sure I could think of the basics. I love going to the zoo with my kids, I love to hang out with my sister, but nothing I mentioned was necessarily about me. Selflessness is a wonderful thing. To give up your own wants and needs for others is basically one of the most important aspects of humanity. But, and there's a BIG BUT, I'm learning that is is ok to be selfish every once in a while.

SELF CARE,

Now, I know you're probably sick of hearing about self care as much as you are the Kon Mari method. Much like throwing away everything you own, it too has been a reoccurring trend over the last few years, and I'll admit I rolled my eyes a time or two at the phrase.

Getting your nails done, sitting at the salon, sipping a latte while the world moved in it's repetitive hum around you. Honestly, these were my thoughts when someone would boast about self care. While there's nothing wrong with any of those things, I have discovered, in just a fraction of time, that self care can be as simple as remembering to drink more water, putting on chap stick, finding time to meditate.

Back to that mom-brain, stagnant human I was over the last year. I mean literally I was a vending machine for another human. I was concerned with any and everyone besides myself and the outcome was a feeling of lost purpose and an empty mind. I cannot tell you how many times I sat at my laptop, ready to blog and the voices were just gone. That one conversation seemed to wake me up out of that fog, and forced me to step back and look at my life with fresh perspective.

PICKING UP THE PIECES

So here I am, two months into the year feeling more of a human than I have in a heck of a long time. It's a feeling I hope I can hold onto. I promised myself I would hold onto it as long as I could. I feel like "me" again, and I'm not sure how corny that sounds in someone else's mind, but coming from my own, it's something I wouldn't have said before. So here we are, picking up the pieces, moving forward and headed there together.


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