MOMMA DRAMA

9:30 PM

    I'm a part of this Facebook group that's main purpose is so moms can have a safe haven to chat. Chat about surviving the first few weeks with a newborn, what is considered normal poop, and the struggles of breastfeeding. When a fellow mommy added me, I was all about it. Reading forum after forum, and getting some great bits of advice from local moms. A month or so went by and I began to see the dark side of it all. The bashing, the gossip. This once safe place was starting to turn into an all out mommy war zone. It got so bad, a fellow mom and a sweet as pie girl I went to high school with, messaged me privately and told me her feelings. How she felt like she should leave the group. That the negativity was causing her to be anxious and question every choice she made when it came to her baby. I tried to convince her to stay, I wanted to believe that all those moms, whether they be on their 8th or 1st baby, should be there for one another. That the strong, supportive moms, full of advice, outweighed the drama. Later that night, the Admin shut down the page.

...

     Youtube is on our tv more than any other streaming service. Call us addicted, whatever, but really there's something on there for each of us. Personally, I love vlogs: vlogging families, and mommy videos. I have a strong rotation of women I watch that just put a smile on my face. Before the new year, I innocently googled something about one of those moms and a strange site popped up. For whatever reason, I clicked on it, and to my dismay, it was a Youtube-mom gossip site forum. Like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. Thousands of pages bashing these women I loved over everything from the way they eat, to how much coffee they drink, to the way they do their hair. It was absolutely degrading and it hurt, even though it had nothing to do with my own life. There was just something about this forum that reminded me of the mommy Facebook group.

WHY?

     The forum bothered me so much. More so than it should have. I couldn't help but imagine one of those moms stumbling on it (which I'm sure they have) and reading that someone thought they were gross because they didn't put makeup on or because their hair was in a bun that day. Not even kidding you, one of the comments was "ew, I can't believe she has a zit on her face. Does she even shower? I can only imagine how gross her house must smell." WHAT? Did I miss the part where Youtube allowed us to smell other people's homes? Did I miss where it's unacceptable to have any sort of skin blemish on your face in a vlog? Had she had a full face of makeup on, they would have bashed her for taking time to doll herself up and somehow would have translated as "she's a bad mom, she spends too much time on her makeup."

    People have asked me why I've never vlogged. I love watching them, it would only make sense that I would take a shot at it myself, right? Truth is, I'm not sure my skin is thick enough to endure some faceless being behind a computer, simply watching my videos to pick them apart just so they can gossip about when they think the last time I washed my hair was. The optimist in me wants to believe these are nothing but a bunch of "tweeny" girls behind their iphones giggling, gossiping. You know, the stereotypical high school student. My inner mom wants to roll my eyes and assume these chatters know nothing about being a mom, a dad. Any of it. I want that. I want to believe that, but what if I'm wrong?

     Bullying doesn't seem to have an age anymore. We go from being picked on as kids to being degraded as parents. The cost of it all? Anger, sadness, a lack of self confidence. The fear of constantly feeling like you're failing. As I sit here typing this, I've got a towel wrapped around wet hair, from a five minute shower. My Star Wars tee has like four holes in it, and I'm wearing men's sweatpants with paint stains. The book I should be reading, is strewn over my lap, the binding upwards. I've probably lost my spot, honestly. I have only one slipper on. The other, caught in the comforter as I was viciously typing away. On my toes, remnants of blue polish from a pedicure I had done in September. (yep, you read that right).  I've had a head cold several days now, and my sniffles can basically wake the hole household. I'm running on a blend of coffee, and lack of sleep. As a mom, I'm a machine, the bags are packed, bottles are ready to go and both kiddos are asleep. NEED MORE HERE!

     I vow 2018 to be the year of moms. The year I don't judge you for doing the things you need to do. The year you don't judge me for what I do. Let's bring each other up. We are freaking real, in the flesh Wonder Women. We grew and brought life into this world. Why in the hell are we attacking our sisters? Why is mom A, telling mom B that formula feeding is terrible and she's a bad mom for it? Was is mom C, telling mom A that her baby should be sleeping through the night already? I mean, can't we all just accept something for a second? Let's accept that we are all exhausted, work horses that just need love and a nice pat on the back every now and again. Congrats momma, you survived another work week and your kids are happy and healthy. Congrats to the stay at home mom, whose sanity has survived another week! As a mom of two, I know what it takes, and there's some days I swear I have no idea what I'm doing. Do any of us really know what we are doing? The next time that judgy Mc-Judger Pants moment passes over you when you see a tired mom, juggling three kids, a coffee stain on her leg, think of this post. Think of me, and my 4 month grown out pedicure. Think of how I felt when I stumbled upon that forum. Think of yourself. Of when you feel the lowest and just wish someone would tell you you're doing a good job. Be that version of yourself, because that's who we all need you to be. We all need to be that support we desire to those around us. Whether we feel our very best, or our very worst. This momma drama just has to stop.

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